What He Wrote
by Ben 10 Superfan 101
Summary: We all know what Gwen would've written in her journal in the length between "Forge of Creation" and "Absolute Power". Has anyone ever guessed what Ben might've written? Don't judge before reading!
1. The Day After His Mutation

**A/n; Okay this is just an opinion, if you don't like it, you can go suck a lemon for all I care.**

**Disclaimer; I own nothing. NOTHING you hear? NOTHING!**

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><p><em>Day one<em>

_2;45 a.m. _

_It happened today. In a way I knew it always would, but I didn't want it to. Today was probably an all time high on the 'terrible day meter'. Why? Because today, we lost him. Kevin. My best friend. My brother. He's gone. Maybe for good this time._

_He didn't die, and for just that I'm grateful. But, in a sense, what happened to him was worse than dying. He lost his sanity, just like he did when he and I were just kids. But this time it was different. This time he didn't do it for selfish reasons, that much I'm sure of. He did it for us, for everyone, for the universe. He absorbed the Ultimatrix to save us all, not just me and Gwen, everyone._

_Coming from Kevin, it was like the ultimate sacrifice. He had worked so hard to achieve everything he got, from his badge to my cousin. He wanted to keep it too, I know he did. He wouldn't have worked so hard if he didn't want to keep it. It must've been so hard for him to just throw it all away to save everyone. In more ways than one, he's a better hero than I am._

_I didn't make an ultimate sacrifice to save the universe before. All I did was change the DNA of all the Highbreed, I didn't lose a thing. Even as I go on about it, bragging 'til I'm blue in the face, I think that I didn't accomplish much. I've always done what I've done for the thrill of being a hero when I was 10, except when it concerned someone I cared for. When I did became a hero for a Highbreed, there was still the thrill deep in there. Now that my head his inflated to above average size because of my fame, I do it for the cameras now and, deep down, I'm ashamed._

_My point is that I've always been a hero, no matter what was in it for me. But Kevin was a villain before. No scratch that. Kevin was a _monster_ before. He tried to kill me every other week, tried so hard to get at my throat and remembering that makes me feel lucky to be alive. Now he's come a long way, turned from villain to hero. From criminal to Plumber. From my mortal enemy to my best friend._

_Don't get me wrong, I won't miss Kevin as much as Gwen will. Kevin was her world, that much I could see. They loved each other so much, it was like watching a bad soap opera with them. She was strong at the Forge of Creation, but when we got home, she was so cut up and broken down, I didn't know what to do, which is so very sad on my part. I'm supposed to be her cousin, one of her closest cousins. Before Kevin came back, we could go to each other for anything without expecting verbal abuse from one another. I'm ashamed to say that I don't know how to reassure her that he'll come back when I don't even know myself._

_I said that I'll stop him, but I don't what I meant by that. Do I mean cure? Or do I mean stopping him for 'good'? I hope not. I hope not_

_Write some more later._

_Ben T._

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><p><strong>AN; There you go. If you liked it feel free to leave some reviews! Good bye 'til next time!**

**~Ellie~**


	2. Entry 2 Day 2

**A/N; Okay here's another chapter. Oh and FYI ,for those who hate this story, guess what? I'm not giving UP! XP**

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><p><em>Day two<em>

_6;03 p.m._

_I still can't believe Kevin's gone. It's been a whole day since we've seen him last, and, already, Gwen and I miss him so much. Well I miss him because he's like my older brother. Seriously, no homo. No that I have a problem with those guys I mean… Aww crap, I was rambling again. Typical, stupid self. Dammit, Tennyson…._

_Well my point is that we miss him. There's like a void in in our group that could only filled by our favorite class-A, sarcastic smart ass. No denying that if you look at us you would be able tell that something was wrong. Gwen has dark circles under her eyes, from crying all night like Aunt Natalie told me. She's always walking around with her head hanging down and her shoulders slouched, which my health book had said was a lack of confidence or depression._

_Me? I'm a whole other story. I'm losing my temper more and more, like I'm this time bomb waiting to go off. I'm always wearing a scowl on face, in place of my usual goofy smile and the way I'm walking is more like a 'prowl', or so Julie says. Also I'm always looking for a reason to snap at people like, my parents or Gwen… or Julie. I don't wanna snap at anyone that don't have anything to do with my problems, that's why this is such a big deal._

_I just get so angry all the time and I don't know why. Is this a coping mechanism for me? Because if it is, it's just plain weird and wrong. I don't wanna deal with Kevin going insane this way, because this is the wrong way to deal with this, I know it. But I can't help it. It's like I'm always this way now. Is it because Kevin lost control of his mind, that I have to lose control of my temper? I don't know anymore._

_I'm afraid, really I am. Why hasn't Kevin come back yet? Does he even he even want to come back? Can we even fix him? Will we ever get the chance? Is he going to spend his 18th__ birthday in this mutated form? Only God knows what will happen and all Gwen and I can do is keep our fingers crossed and keep praying. That's just not fair._

_His mom misses him and we can't do anymore to find her son? That's a bunch crap and we all know it, but without hide or hair of Kevin, all we can do is sit here and twiddle our thumbs, which I absolutely hate. I can't stand to sit still for long, which makes me question whether or not I have ADHD. It would explain a lot, but that doesn't matter much. _

_I need my friend back. Gwen needs her boyfriend back. We need our teammate back. Then our team, our family, will be whole again. That's all I want right now. That's all I want. I'll write some more tomorrow._

_Ben T. _

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><p><strong>AN; Thank you for reading! Reviews are nice so please leave some! Adios!**

**~Ellie~**


	3. Entry 3 Day 3

**A/N; This chapter makes me emotional. :'(**

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><p><em>Day three<em>

_7;15 pm_

_I think found a so-called 'solution' to my coping mechanism. I'm distancing myself from my family, pushing my anger away from them. I'm writing this in my room as we speak. Is this a good idea? I highly doubt it, but it's worth trying right? I don't like feeling like this. I hate it and I hate myself for not being able to do anything about it. I also blame myself for my cousin's condition. _

_Gwen comes to my door everyday, trying to get to come out. I don't want to though, but I think me doing this is making her worse. I can hear it in her voice. She doesn't want me to disappear, but I don't want to yell at her over some stupid reason, because I know I'm going to. I don't want that to happen, but now that I'm here I figure that there's got to be another way to fix my dilemma without making other people suffer._

_My other friends are worried about me too. Cody, Necxi, Julie or Elaina come to my door everyday to make sure I'm alright or that I'm, at least, alive. I'm alive, I think, if call acting like some kind of emotionless robot living. Since I don't want to feel anger, I kind of got rid of my emotions altogether. My only escape from that is writing in this journal._

_I can't help but think about what Kevin would say if he saw us this way. It would probably hurt him, I'm guessing. The only reason why we're like this was because he wasn't with us. And you know what makes me even more angry? I'm starting to blame him for this and I don't want to. Kevin only absorbed the Ultimatrix because he had to save us. It wasn't his fault, but why do I still blame him?_

_I need stop shunning my emotions. I want to feel, I want to be strong for my big__ brother. I want to at least have some hope that he'll come back to us, even if there's no hope at all._

_Write more later._

_Ben T._

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><p><strong>AN; Oh Ben. Who else thought he would take it this way? Tell me in your reviews.**

**~Ellie~**


	4. Entry 4 Day 4

**A/N; Here's the next chapter! Read and enjoy! ^^**

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><p><em>Day 4 <em>

_6;35 pm_

_I'm communicating with other people again, but that's not helping my inner turmoil and here's what the turmoil is; I'm starting to lose any and all hope for curing Kevin. I absolutely hate thinking that we might not be able to save him, but as the days roll by there's still no sign of him. I figure if he wanted to come back he would've already, so why hasn't he come back yet? I'm starting to get very angry at him and also I'm getting angry at myself for being angry at him. It's a very complicated situation, and I don't know how to fix._

_It's almost like the last time his DNA was changed, minus the part about being crazy and him leaving us. Gwen's trying to find a cure for him in her spell books and the others are trying to help her. Well the others minus me, right now I'm trying to focus on finding him. Once I find him, then I'll worry about fixing him. And if I can't… I don't want to think about what I have to do stop him._

'_Kill' is not a word I want to use to describe this situation, neither is 'murder' or any other word of that nature. But if it starts to looks like that's what I have to do, if Kevin becomes a danger to himself and to others, I'm afraid that that's what I'll have to do._

_I feel like I'm doing this more for myself than I am for other people, though helping people is my main intention. I'm afraid that he'll come after me again like he did when we were kids. This is more on the inside, because on the outside I don't show anything as much as I would like. I'm afraid that I'll wake up and he'll be standing over me, getting ready to kill me. I am so afraid, but I try not to show it._

_I try to put on a brave face for my team, but that's not me speaking to them and giving words of confidence. How can I convince them that everything will be alright and Kevin will come back to us, when I don't even know myself? I don't know. I just don't know._

_Write more later. _

_Ben T. _

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><p><strong>AN; Thanks for reading! Leave some reviews!**

**~Ellie~**


	5. Entry 5 Day 5

**A/N; I finally posted this chapter! Now go on and read! :)**

**Disclaimer; I own nothing except the computer I'm writing this on.**

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><p><em>Day 5<em>

_6;49 pm_

_There's been a sighting of Kevin on another planet in this galaxy. I forget the name of the planet but I know that it's orbiting a neighboring star, Proxima Centauri or something like that. We're going to take the Rustbucket 3 there ASAP. Gwen and I were the first to know about this because we asked the Plumbers to let us know the moment they hear something about him. We have no idea what he's doing on that planet, but that's why we're going there as soon as possible._

_If we do find him there's no guarantee that he's going to tell us what he's been doing, let alone cooperate with us. He might not even be there once we arrive, for all we know. But there's still the slight chance that he's there and we can convince him to come back with us. 'The optimistic chance' is what I call it, but as Gwen would call it's 'the best chance' . She's still prepared to cure Kevin no matter what it takes, but I'm prepared to either cure or face the fact that Kevin might be too far gone to be cured._

_Since we're supposed to be going any minute I don't have much time to write everything down but all I can say is this; I hope that he's not doing anything too horrible. But remembering how Kevin was when he was a kid and how crazy he was, my hopes would probably be shattered once we set foot on that planet. But there's still optimism at play, and hope. There's always hope._

_I won't be back until tomorrow, so I'll write more then. Hopefully the news is good when I get back. If not, I'll write it down anyway._

_Ben T. _

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><p><strong>AN; There we go. Again sorry it took so long. I had a bad cae of writer's block. Please review!**

**~Ellie~**


	6. Entry 6 Day 6

**A/N; Here the new chapter, finally! *cringes* Please don't hit me! T_T**

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><p><em>12;34 PM<em>

_Day 6_

_We found out what he's been doing on that planet. It's funny, I knew something like this would happen. Kevin has been looking for payback and possibly revenge from old scores, big ones, small ones its all the same to him. When I heard about this and when I saw it for myself, I couldn't believe it and, then again, I could. _

_I kind of expected this from Kevin, after remembering what he was like when we were little. I guess that's the cold side of me, but the other side didn't want it to be true. I had hoped Kevin still had some heart in him, enough heart to let us try and fix him, so he could be part of team again… part of our family. Guess I was wrong… go figure._

_Knowing that Kevin is still the way he is… really pisses me off. He still hasn't come back to comfort my cousin again, to wipe away her tears. She's going to me and asking me what we should do now, like _I _should know… dammit. I'm so angry at Kevin for leaving and I'm starting to think that he left us on purpose. Either way, I so fucking angry at him! Dammit Levin!_

_I know it's not his fault though, but why am I thinking it is? I'm just getting so angry nowadays. I hate it. I hate it._

_Write more tomorrow._

_Ben T._

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><p><strong>AN; Please Review! :'(**

**~Ellie~**


	7. After Nor Iron Bars a Cage

**A/N; It's been awhile since I've dusted this one off right? Here we go!**

**Disclaimer; I own nothing.**

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><p><em>3:40 AM<em>

_Day Seven_

_I have to write as fast I can before I fall asleep for all the emotional and physical stress from today. Also I think I'm still hallucinating from intergalactic drug dust. Gwen and I went to the prison Incarsicon in the Null Void today… or was it yesterday? I don't know, my brain is basically not functioning the way I want it to. Anyway we went there on a lead we found in Kevin's room; the logo of the prison carved onto his desk._

_He was after someone there, I was sure of it, and I was also sure it was the warden he was going after. What I wasn't sure of is why Kevin was going after him, but I had pushed that thought in the back of my mind throughout the events of that day. When we arrived at Incarsicon, I could instantly tell that the warden was hiding something and when we tried to warn him about Kevin, he didn't listen._

_We were led to our room that we would stay until the next shipment of prisoners to Incarsicon came, which at that moment, was tomorrow… which is today now, I guess. On the way to our room, I saw some prisoners hauling mining equipment into a tunnel. After the guards left, we snuck out of our room to investigate that tunnel. Needless to say, we found what the were mining down there; space drugs . I practically had to bump my head to figure that one out and I can still feel the effect of those drugs…._

_After some unpleasantness with the warden and the guards, we found the prisoners, but something was wrong. They were in pain and it was coming seemed like it was coming from the collars around their necks. After using Echo-Echo to destroy the collars, we went back to looking for Kevin. Well, needless to say, we found him._

_It was weird, seeing him like that. It made me got back to when we were kids and when he was trying to kill me. Seeing him angry and out for revenge rang a bell in my mind and it also reminded me how hopeless he was back then, refusing every offer I gave him to change for the better. I was still hoping though that it wouldn't be that way this time. But then it happened…._

_He tried to kill the warden. Well deep inside I didn't blame him; the warden's a slime and needs to be dealt with. But he didn't need to be… murdered. Then it hit me; he was beyond being cured, I could just feel it. I didn't want to believe it at first, but it became painfully clear to me that it was hopeless and it killed me to think that. It killed me even more to see the look on Gwen's face when I told her that._

_As much as it pains me, I know that I'm going to have to have to kill my best friend, my cousin's boyfriend,… my brother. _

_Write more later._

_Ben T._

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><p><strong>AN; Oh how I wish Ben could see the future so that he could know it's not hopeless. Review please.**

**~Ellie~**


	8. Entry 8 Day 8

**A/N: Long time I know! Sorry! **

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><p><em>1:38 P.M.<em>

_Day 8_

_Well yesterday wasn't fun to say the least. Everything that happened afterward was kinda in the shape of a downward spiral, as is my life nowadays._

_...Gwen won't talk to much me now. I can kinda understand that. I did say that we had to kill her boyfriend. ANd I did expect her to act this way. And I don't blame her either. If someone told me that I had to kill Julie, I would beat that person to a bloody pulp._

_And I'm angry with myself too. I don't want to kill Kevin. I've always had a solid issue with killing anyone since I was ten-years old, even if I thought it was the right thing to do. It was immorally wrong to me and it seemed like the type of thing that only bad guys would do. To kill someone someone so the won't be in your way? It seems wrong...it is wrong...!_

_But, I'm not the bad guy. I'm trying to save people by taking Kevin out. Trying to keep people from getting hurt by him. Keeping ther universe safe. That's my job isn't it? To protect the universe? Right?_

_Ugghh... I don't even know anymore. I don't even feel like myself now that I made this decision. I don't feel like Ben Tennyson anymore. I'm just..watching someone else control my body, my actions,...my words._

_I'm starting to think that that's why I said we should kill Kevin. Because I haven't been myself since he went insane. Cold, distant, robotic, deathly-serious: this isn't me. But I know that if I tell Gwen this she won't listen or believe me. She'll just say that I'm making excuses for my behavior. Go figure..._

_Maybe I'll talk to Julie. She usually listens to me when I have a problem. Hopefully she'll have some advice for me. I could really use some right now._

_Write tomorrow._

_Ben T._

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><p><strong>AN: Meh. New obsessions _really_ can tak over your life. Curse you for being so wonderful Hetalia! *shakes fist at sky* Review please~**

**~Ellie**


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